The Cave

So....

I have pretty awesome to share.
But instead of totally fizzing out the story with the grand finale, I'll take you along on a stroll.


Once upon a time ago, I was born on the coast of a beautiful ocean. Shortly after my birth, my family and I migrated to one of the most liberal cities in the country. (the one where pretty boys where tight clothes and smoke hand-rolled cigarettes, ladies with septum piercings zoom passed you on their road bikes or Vespas in full-length silk skirts they made themselves, the generation of today is found either at the closest record store, picnicking at the Springs, or doing yoga on the curb, while tripping on shrooms! All of them without a single care in the world. Yes. THAT city.) I've grown up in this beautiful city, but didn't blossom in the way I would've wanted to.

My parents raised me in a strict Christian home and, I realize now, limited my resources that would've contributed to the lifestyle I wish so wistfully I could've grown up in. They judged the crazy events, people, and aura that flooded the city. The flood that changed someone as soon as the refreshing waters touched the skin. They forbade me to go out and explore, saying "come home as soon as you're done with school......No, of course you can't have a job, school is your job.........No, you can't drink with your friends, drinking is illegal...........No, you can't go downtown, do you know how wild it is down there?" 

Collectively, my parents bestowed these rules on me. But if it was up to either of them, mom is the one whose harsher hand would've struck much more rashly. Instead, they demanded that I play sports, all sports. And do school, all school. That was my life. School and sports. Day in and day out. Over and over. And over and over.

I managed. It was boring, but I managed to make it to college.

When I finally spread my wings and flew to college, on an island far, far away from all things normal and.....legal.... I rediscovered a life I'd always wanted to live, a new person I wanted to create in a islander's body in which I wanted to fill myself. The island life that consists of watching the waves roll along the shoreline as the sun rises, running on the beach with the dog, snacking on a fresh fish taco then grabbing a cold one and cruising the island in nothing but a bikini and a bike and where shoes and business outfits are foreign objects, watching the gorgeous ball of fire that is the sun engulf the ocean in layers of pink, orange, hints of purple as it sets and the world quiets down for another island evening.




I discovered a feeling within me today that I'm proudly defines what I have become. The woman I've blossomed into. I lie in the category of what is called a Hipster. I also incorporate all that is an Islander. But I cannot shut of my love of sports that grew so painfully within me. The pain that exists because of a love for victory! I am so very proud to report that this feeling is me. That this truth exuding from every pore radiates the very person I want to shout to the world, "THIS IS ME!!!"


Today's ephiphay: I am half hipster, half islander. Stuck in a jock's body. What a glorious mess!
A New Beginning to a Beautiful Existence

My Never Ending Circle

Are you and only child? Or did you come from a family of a few kids?

I'm an only kid. Well, kinda... I am my father's only and my mom's third. But older sister and brother are twelve and thirteen years my senior. So by the time I was five, they were both out of the house. No lie. So I practically grew up by myself. Of course there are the pros and cons to growing up an only child, just like there are pros and cons to growing up with siblings, pros and cons to meatloaf, pros and cons to glue sticks, basket weaving, ant farming, and even blowing bubbles.

I'll just say that one of the most psychological problems I've struggled with obtaining a "family" (and the right family, at that) since college is bonding and trusting too strongly too quickly. When you enter into a world full of people, full of excitement, full of a spontaneous agendas, full of a trust and a protection that only a select few seem to be worthy of, the thought of losing this family breaks your heart. Losing a member, or someone close within that family, is like losing a significant other. (I use that metaphor because, I, myself have not actually lost a family member that is close to me. Nope, no siblings, parents or grandparents have passed away on my record; and by no means am I close to my extended family, ie aunts, uncles, cousins, distant cousins etc. still no deaths within that realm either). I have gone through the heartbreak of losing a significant other (disregarded now, of course, for obvious reasons) and losing a friend is just like that. 

I don't know what I would do if those close to me left. 

One day, they will. 

It's inevitable that graduation befalls us all and we'll be required to grow up one day, possibly move away and get big-kid jobs. I am just now establishing my "family." And, since now is the most crucial time to keep them close to my heart, I can't imagine the effect of what post graduation will have on me. 

Ugh. It's going to suck. To say the least.

Right now I have a circle within a circle. And it's a complicated botched up, zig-zagged, crazy design. It's hard to follow and it takes some repetition to memorize, but that's why I'm educating you folks early. 

Jen

•  "Jen": Jen is my best friend in the entire world. that ONE person you know will be a part of your life forever. Jen cannot be described in words, but in my attempt, she is dynamic, intriguing, complex, responsible, mature. She's spiritual in many ways that I find fascinating and inspiring, not ways you would think. She takes me to better places. She's honest, even in the most brutal of ways. She's stimulating. She provides for me what I need in life and I meet the humane needs that she requires. I love her, with all my heart and she's going to be a part of my life forever. She is not a part of my circle of Island family, only because she lives in a different city, but she fits right in with our little family to a tee!



Sara

• "Sara": my beautiful blond bombshell, whom I've known since Day 1 of college. One of the nicest, most generous, selfless, spontaneous creatures I know. Shit, just last night at 11pm she came home from the store and decided to make chocolate chip cookies! She has always been there for her friends, for her sisters, for her roommates, and even for that random drunk girl at the bar, who so desperately needs a ride home.
• "Bear": Sara's best friend from grade school (they met at church. you'd seriously think otherwise), her partner in crime, her roommate aaaaaannnddddd my sweetheart. Yes, after a friendship of 3 years, Bear and I are finally dating. He's crazy, open-hearted, open-minded, handsome as the devil, a total beach bum, easy going, down to earth; literally, my other half. And he lives up to his name. He's practically my big teddy bear!



Bear

• "Ryan" (who not only is a female but is totally rocking one of my favorite female names! part of the perks to owning your own blog! Bwahaha!): is Bear's best friend. They are very close and I couldn't have asked for a better friend for him. Ryan could give two shits about yesterday's drama which she tried to avoid, but hey at least she's willing to sit down and talk about your drama with you if you were to ever need it. She's the girl that wears the pants in the relationship, because let's just face it - boys (especially her's from the past) are just pussies these days. If Home  Dude is showing signs of weakness, she's done with him, lighting up a bowl, pregaming for the night, and scoping the beach for the next hott prize! No, not a slut, but rather just that nomadic powerhouse who knows how she works and exactly what she wants in life. 



Ryan

• "Ethan": Sara's and Bear's childhood friend who joined the Marines right out of high school but "got bored and left" shortly after and came to join us down on The Island for classes. He met Ryan a couple years ago, and, like Bear and I, turned their close friendship into relationship. He's the quiet type - keeps to himself, is rather introverted, muses over the deep shit, expresses himself through art, but still pitches in the best laughs from time to time. He's useful; I guess we'll be keeping him around for a while.



Ethan

• "Rico": Rico is my flamboyant little bit of sunshine. The nicest boy in the world, always happy, always willing to try new things with shy, hesitant apprehension at first, but warms up to everything and everyone. His biggest wish in life is that everyone could just get along and be one big happy family....and that he didn't gain any weight after chowing down on those evil stoner munchies. He's not dating anyone (sorry to disappoint yall) but he's usually got his eye on a new boy each week. But that's all; just an eye. He's very shy and even that shows up in his love life! He's a great roommate, very responsible and rather proactive! One of our favorite past times is sharing a bowl, kicking ass in Foosball and destroying some Disney coloring books! Haha! 



Rico & co

• "Trey & Luke": These two roommates are a creature of chaos themselves. Trey is dating Sara (ps: just to wrap it up for you, we all kind of started dating each other around the same time. But we've all known each other for yeeeeears!) and he's a nut. I swear, he's a 6 year old trapped in a 21 year old's body. Owns some wicked Marvel paraphernalia, loves pop-rock bands, splurges on tye-dye kits and hates the high school drama from which we all inevitably can't escape, no matter how hard we try. Seriously, Sara and Trey are meant for each other. They're never going to grow up and that's perfectly fine with me, they'll be the one's keeping us young. While we're suffering under house payments, and angry bosses, and maybe crying children, they'll be rock climbing at Pace Bend, sky diving over the farms in France, or kayaking the Amazon. hhmmmmm, is it morally wrong to wish to be like them? Luke, Trey's roommate, is the group drunk. If he's not passed out, at work on campus at the library, or in class, he's drinking. If he's not drinking, he's thinking about the next event at which he can drink, regardless if it's socially appropriate to do so. Yes, he's that person who's not ashamed the pictures he doesn't remember being taken, the person that's memorized all the specials and happy hours on the island, the person at the bars studying(!), and the one that brings over his own case to a hw study sesh. But as the designated tank, he holds his own, shells out some awesome stories from the night before, and always sacrificially jumps in front of the figurative bus of other's drama so we don't have to take the hit.



Luke

Trey

This is my circle. We're a jumbled up little circle, hard to follow, hard to read, but a tight family nonetheless. Later on, you'll read of the one circle outside of this circle. Individually, we are exceedingly unique but together we all make up this intricate, beautiful design, and I love them like family. They are my family. And I will keep them forever.

A Leap of Faith...or Just a Plain, Ole Leap!

I guess it just takes a swift kick to the butt for a dream to get rolling. Such a crappy analogy and so cliche, but right now that's all my tired mind can come up with. For years, I've been wanting to make a blog (you can tell: if you're blog-smart, you can see that I've been a member of blogspot since 2009. Okay, so not years, but when I look back on the Xanga days, I knew, one day, I was destined to be some hybrid species of blogger...)

A very smart, level-headed person - we're going to call her "Jen", for I guarantee you she'll be popping up in conversation very often, now that we've cleared the atmosphere - persuaded me that life doesn't have to be a daily lesson, contrary to popular belief. I've found myself in the common struggle of self identification over the past few years.

And let's be realistic. Who doesn't when they migrate to college?

I've always been told life is, among other grand concepts and analogies, a huge game of cause and effect. Seasoned vets tell you "don't do A!" so naturally, sometimes spitefully, BOOM! A is inevitable. Not the brightest idea (with or without regrets), and then come the "I told you so's".

Whatever.

I'm not writing to jot down my routine, analyze it, then glean from it a lesson. Doing that daily? That's exhausting!

This is simply just a way to get what I want out of the confines of my crazy, little noggin and down on "paper"! You'll see everything from venting sessions (common), my political opinions (that's a bit risque), my rants on how glamorous the world is, and then a big fat "the world sucks" (and nooooo, I'm not bipolar. Like I said, I'm struggling with self identity. This is magnified my idealistic opinion on things, and people vs. the realist I know I should be instead. More on that concept later), musings, ideas (bad and good; based on your entitled opinion), vacations, events, drugs, sex, rock and roll and even favorite recipes!! You'll notice I love to capture on paper the feelings rushing through my body in that one instant. I can't guarantee you'll like 100% of what I say, that you'll agree with it, that it lies within your MPAA standards or even that it interests you. I can't promise that it will be the most articulated or organized bit of knowledge you'll read that day (although I'll do my best to make sure they are!) But hey! Isn't that why we're a pretty awesome, advanced creature? Because we're different? I'll go ahead and answer that for you!

DUH!

I DO promise, however and above all things, that whatever I say, it's from the heart. (...stupid, honest cliches...)

Please! Feel free to disagree with me, tell me what you think about a certain situation, feed me your examples. I will listen to you, and boldly stretch your mind further. I will not fight with you. It is not in my nature. I'm a pacifist. I would rather sit back and watch the world flow at its own desirable rate...or fight with each other. Whatever is attractive. Or "in". Either way, you're welcome to my table of analytical feasts!

Thank you Jen, for my metaphorical butt whooping. I think it's about time I've gotten started on a serious blog! FB sure has turned into a disaster. There's no denying that! Can't trust in "Making a Note" with confidence anymore. So we'll do it right, friends! This is my invite to you to come take a walk in my shoes. We both need the exercise anyway.